I am the Voice of Shriners Past, and I have an important press release that will affect all of Krynn. You all should feel extremely honored to be a part of this historical event: the return of the Tarsis Shriners to their homeland. The Tarsis Shriners are the oldest, most prosperous clan on Arctic (and probably the Internet), and after a long sabbatical to spread their infinite goodness to other areas of the world, we have returned to reinstitute the Old Ways to Krynn. What does this mean to you? It means that you may be one of the lucky ones who gets to feel our cleansing touch, to be freed from the oppressive weight of your equipment, to have your false beliefs burned away by our penetrating Sass(tm). Oh, Rejoice Krynn! For a time, the one true clan is back! The first meeting of the Shriner High Council has resulted in the following two edicts: 1) Ham Restrictions for the Unworthy. As all scholars of our history know, the Shriners are an ancient society steeped in tradition, and we thrive on the divine ham of Tarsis. During our religious ceremonies, Shriner priests give out ham sandwiches as sacrament. And this holy pork product is no longer to touch the lips of the unwashed masses. Those found in possession of Tarsis ham without permission will be subject to a thorough cleansing. And our cleaning products aren't so gentle on the skin. 2) Those citizens who have opposed the Shriner ways will have to be cleansed, again and again, until we think they see the light, which generally takes a really really long time. Forgiveness does not come easy. BUT, we're running a special on restitutions this week only. Our operators are standing by! If you've somehow found yourself on the infidel list, you may be able to find forgiveness, this week only, for ONLY a public apology and all of your equipment. (Note: offer void where prohibited.) So don't delay, make amends today. It may be your last chance. As more exciting developments unfold, we'll be sure to keep our loving fans informed. We now return you to your regularly scheduled fiery cataclysm. --- Manually added clan: Tarsis Shriners